horny potter and the bed chamber of secrets 9
by darkangelofheaven13
Summary: the same as the first one


later...  
So, Harry and Ron find a group of spiders making their way to the forest. They begin to follow them

Ron is jumping behind trees, humming the Mission Impossible theme song, and making his hands into the form of a pistol

Harry: Ron, shut up for godsakes. You're embarrassing me in front of the spiders!

So, Harry and Ron encounter the big spiders, and the one that used to be Hagrid's friend. Unfortunately, Ron wet himself while they were there, and so they had to turn around and go back to Hogwarts to change him. When they were done, they found that the mysterious colonies of spiders that were traveling together before had disappeared, and so Harry and Ron gave up and went to bed

That night...

McGongall had rounded up all the teachers that night for a meeting in the middle of the hallway

Minerva: A girl has been taken into the Bedchamber Of Secrets...I regret to announce that this is the end of Hogwarts...

Snape: Oh, thank god. This potions job was really getting to me anyway. I really could have put up with the snot nosed brats better if I was Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, but for some reason Dumbledore purposely avoided hiring me for that job. It'll be a miracle if I ever know why...

Sprout: Yes, these damn kids! mocking tone "Professor! My Venus Flytrap bit me!" "Professor, I'm bleeding to death!" "Professor, my head's falling off!" I have to listen to that 24/7!  
The professors begin complaining about the work conditions, and what's wrong with Hogwarts

Minerva:sarcastically Well I'm so glad you all are so choked up about this. Well, just for anyone who cares, Ginnivra Fookme Weasley was the one who was brought into the Bedchamber

Teachers:...

Flitwick: Who is that?

Snape: Some chick, but who cares? I don't know about all of you, but I'm hopping the first night bus out of here

Gilderoy: Good idea! Let's go!

Minerva: Oh no, not you fruit cup. You said you knew where the Bedchamber was all along, so you're going to stay here and save that girl!

Gilderoy: What? Me? Okay, I confess! I'm a conartist! I never did any of that stuff I claimed I did! I just took credit for what other people did! And most importantly, I don't know where the Bedchamber is!

Minerva: Who cares? You're better off locked up in here raped and petrified anyway

All the teachers agree. They all do spells to magically make their luggage appear, and then they all leave the school, locking the door behind them

Gilderoy: NOOOO! Wait...I can always just bash out the window in my office to escape...laughs Gilderoy you sly, sneaky, lying, fox you!

And so, Gilderoy went to do just that...

As Lockheart's in his office. Harry and Ron-who had some how magically over heard the teacher's meeting last night- come in and chain Gilderoy up, forcing him to come with them to find the Bed Chamber

Later, going down the hallway...

Gilderoy: I really don't understand why either of you decided to drag me along! I mean, come on, I'm just excess weight

Ron: He does have a good point Harry...

Harry: I'm not really sure why I did it either...but then again, I'm not really sure why I choose to do ALOT of things...so, without further adeau, let's look for this Bed Chamber in the girl's bathroom!

In Girl's Bathroom...

Gilderoy: What makes you think it's going to be in here?

Harry: It's simple, really. This is where Myrtle was raped, so therefore, the Bed Chamber from where the raping basilisk came from has to be somewhere near...

Gilderoy: That's not entirely logical...I mean, it is possible the rapist could have easily just come from somewhere down the hallway, or even through the window from some place far outside, or-

Harry: Okay, we're putting a new 'Don't-Speak-Unless-Asked-Or-We-Kick-Your-Ass' rule on you

Somehow, by some miracle, and for random reasons that have yet to be explained, Harry and Co. located the Bedchamber through the sinks...to make a long and involved story short, they found the Bedchamber, and that's all that really matters. After testing the long tube down to the Bedchamber with Gilderoy, all three fell down the tube from the bathroom, into a classy looking room, with pearly floor tiles, two displays of roses, statues of naked Aphrodite, candles and a fountain spurting wine

Harry: Wow, this place is really romantic when you think about it...looks over at Ron and Gilderoy who are bathing in the wine fountain. Harry pulls them out Okay, okay, this is no time to be getting tipsy, we have a basilisk to defeat, remember?  
Ron: Okay, but where to now?

Harry: I think through these doors...Harry opens to big glass doors, leading to another room. The room is decorated just like the last, but there seems to be a small steps leading up to a stage sort of thing. Ginny is lying in red lingerie on the steps, with gaudy, slapped on make up

Ron: Oh my god, look at Ginny!

Harry: Oh dear lord, she looks like some sort of...thing!

Ron: Who did this to her? WHO?

Suddenly, a door opens on the stage, and out swirls a heartshaped bed, where Tom lays, dressed like Dr. Frank N Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Harry: Oh my god...

Suddenly, some guy that looks like Riff Raff, and woman that looks a lot like Magenta pop out

Riff Raff: It's astounding;

Time is fleeting;

Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely...

Harry&Ron: AHHH!

The two run from the room just as they start singing 'Let's do the Timewarp Again!' and they run to the closest room next to them, just to see Ginny dancing on the table singing

Ginny: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night.  
Harry: Eh...we'll worry about her later. We need to go find Frank, er- I mean, Tom!

So they yet again run to another room to find Tom coming down a flight of steps

Tom: How do you do, I

See you've met my

Faithful handyman.

He's just a little brought down

Because when you knocked

He thought you were the candy man.

Don't get strung out by the way I look.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

I'm not much of a man by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Harry: Well now we know who's been raping everyone...okay, now I'm going to have to defeat you!

Tom: Oh you ruined my whole song, Potter! Now I really understand why I hated you so much when I got older!

Ron: What have you done to Ginny?

Tom: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?  
Harry: Wait...I don't get it...we thought it was a Basilisk raping people!

Tom: He he...well it was, my sweet virgin. Would you care to see it?

Harry: No! No, that's...that's okay...

Suddenly Riff Raff runs in with a lazer, accompanied by Magenta

Riff: Now Tom, say goodbye to all this, and hello to oblivion!

Tom is shot with the lazer beam, and killed

Harry: Well...that went rather smoothly...

Ron: Umm...let's get Ginny, and...go

Harry: Yeah...


End file.
